Here, today - is that new month. My plans for today?

• Unpack my second suitcase (that my dad brought home with him yesterday)
• Check on Work stuff (because they “accidentally” termed me)
• Pick up the House a little
• Do Tragedies homework
• Fold Laundry (from yesterday)
• Launder towels and rugs and such
• Pick up my room

I woke up not too long ago, went on a run, and showered. I’ve done next to nothing today because I have been sleeping in so late. I have no idea why I’ve been sleeping in so late - but I have. I really need to gain motivation and get things done. I expect to get all of these things done today - and if I don’t… I don’t sleep. It’s funny - because that list is REALLY short actually. he he

I guess I should get off here and go do something - like grab a glass of water and run off to yon Winn-Dixie. 

Good Day

Here it is: It is 8:30am on the 31st of May. I honestly cannot believe that this month is already over. It just strikes me as strange.

I would like to say that I have learned quite a bit over this month; and I have. I have learned about value and love (the brotherly kind), patience and respect. These things am I beginning to understand a little bit. I am not an expert - and never will be, but I take learning with joy (even when they are learnt because of, how do you say, interesting circumstances). This past month has brought many things into my life and many things out. However, to dwell on the past (in any prolonged increment) is unwise.

Let us focus on the future. Tomorrow the month is June - and I’m considering tomorrow to be the day that my life begins…again. That’s the brilliant thing about new days, weeks, months, years - they become new periodically, filling your life up with what seems like endless opportunities to make things good, right, or new. “A new day with no mistakes in it yet.” Jesus Christ has made us free; I firmly believe that to live in freedom is to live without the regrets of the past.

The past makes you who you are. God has ordained so many things to happen in one’s life (because He is sovereign, you know). With those experiences comes the character and knowledge you need to grow - spiritually, physically, emotionally. It is all part of a plan. The Lord uses all to work for the good of those who love Him and to bring Him ultimate glory. It is encouraging to me.

What else is encouraging is knowing that as long as I seek the face of the Lord, I will be provided for and within His will. When one seeks the face of the Lord, His desires suddenly become ours - and we do not need to worry about “finding” God’s will (because it is etched within us). 

Etched within me is the will of God if I am serving Him and seeking Him - and I want to do both. 

As this month comes up, is here, and is gone - I am going to look to the past, present, and future knowing God’s sovereignty; knowing His will; and knowing that each one will work out for my good and His glory.

Here it is. It’s come… 2 days later. On the plane I fell asleep with my memory book in my arms. I couldn’t let go. Yesterday, I thought little of anyone. I knew it would drive me crazy. Tonight, I miss them, him, her. I am a step away from tears - and the moment my head hits my pillow, all chaos will break lose within me, and morning will bring about a dryer pillow than this night. 

I understand how irrational it all is. I have that love for logic and thinking things through; but my emotions tend to override them. 

As offensive as this may be to some, I truly miss Careena. I truly miss Leah. I truly miss Emily. I truly miss Konner. It isn’t like I don’t miss others; but my heart feels torn in relation to these people. Somehow, they had all of my trust and all of my love. They were my family while I was away. While I have some of my family here (a sister and a brother), I am having a hard time adjusting. 

One best friend I have not seen in 6 months and must wait two more weeks. Another, I just left a little while ago - but it feels like the next few weeks until I see him will be ages. The friend I am going to spend time with on Thursday is leaving forever in a month. Two others I haven’t seen in almost a year - and I’m feeling the sting of missing them now and lately. Others I will see, I’m sure - I just don’t know when. I’m a bit of an unstable human being - no matter how differently I pretend.

Change has come and is coming. Things are unsteady. I cannot wait for normalcy and balance. Pray that I make it through with my sanity and a sense of emotional stability. 

In spite of all this, the Lord does not change, is great, my provider, and my comfort - and that is greater than these pains.

If I were a hashtagger… I would do this: #thatawkwardmomentwhennoneofyourjeansfit

Yep. Thank you very much, college. *sarcasm*

Adjustment. It seems more difficult than it should. I must be productive and get back to a lifestyle of order and normalcy. I must get coursework done. I must make lists and goals. Ready. Set. Go!